Room 101: David Flatman – England and Bath prop

1. Try-scoring celebrations
I have to contest Dave Jackson's claim that celebrations have a place in rugby (TRP, June 3). I think they should be banned and a yellow card shown to the person responsible for this unmanly act! I can't stand it when I see team-mates jumping on each other's backs. You should just stand up, jog back to halfway and play on. Nothing makes you look more of a mug than a planned celebration only for your side to go on and lose the match. Sam Vesty got – and is still getting – an awful lot of stick for his premature celebration against Wasps. The worst bit of it all is that he is absolutely the last bloke to tolerate anyone else celebrating and he is the last guy you'd ever expect to do it because he is about as unshowy as it gets. Nice coffee for his espresso machine is the most indulgent thing he has ever bought for himself. Mine is cars and watches I can't afford. When I retire I am going to sell them all and go out and buy breakfast for Duncan Bell!
TRP verdict:  You're out – jog back? You can jog on!
2. Online trolls
I can't abide people who abuse sportsman hiding behind the screen of their computer. I'll give you a recent example…Matt Banahan tripped over his own feet in a game at Sale where otherwise he might have ran in a try and people were saying things like, ‘I hope you never play for England again…' Why do people think it is okay to behave like that? Of course, you don't have to be a ten-year professional to have an opinion, my Mum has one on the Bath and England team, for example. But it doesn't matter how qualified you are; to confront someone like that makes you a sociopath and an idiot. By all means come and support the team and express your opinion with your mates, but don't go online and introduce loads of unsubstantiated and unqualified negative views to the world. People who do that are scum; they are the online versions of football hooligans. They need lining up and hosing down.
TRP verdict:  You're in – trolls should be kept in their dark cyber dens away from the rest of society.
3. Parking restrictions
In France you can pretty much park anywhere you like near sports stadia. You don't get 20 people in yellow jackets on a power trip. Parking laws are simply designed to make money out of people. We managed to get a man on the moon 50 years, yet we are not allowed to use our own commonsense to decide where to park. It's not as if people are going to park in the middle of the motorway or block a garage. Instead of banning, we should be enabling. Instead of prohibiting, we should be allowing. Let's all just chill out and see if the British public can think for itself.
TRP verdict:  You're in – would anyone seriously miss traffic wardens?