Two seasons after it happened at Welford Road, Will Hurrell is still suffering from the ‘really horrible' effects of the tackle that finished him. They disturb more than his sleep.
“I've had about eight panic attacks already this week and last night was particularly bad,'' he tells me at the appointed hour for a pre-arranged interview on Thursday morning.
“They come in waves – all sorts of emotional issues as well as anxiety, panic attacks.
“It's really horrible to deal with. There were times last night when I woke up shaking and sweating. The dreams or nightmares are so realistic that it takes me a good 20 minutes to realise that they haven't actually happened and that I'm in bed.
“I got about three hours sleep last night. I'd never suffered from anxiety or panic attacks before my stroke.
Until then I'd backed myself to be tough and strong. Now I realise I'm not as invincible as I thought I was.''
The stroke happened during Bristol's Premiership match at Leicester on January 4, 2020, an occasion Hurrell remembers for a different reason – ‘ten days before my 30th birthday'.
The Bristol centre tackled one of Leicester's second rows. “I've seen it since on video,'' he says. “Initially, I was lined up correctly. He kind of stepped at the very last second and my head caught his shoulder.
“It was like being hit by a car. It's not often I was left rolling on the ground going backwards as I was on this occasion. I dropped to the floor, stayed there for a few seconds then I grabbed my head.
“I was seen by two Bristol physios.
They asked me: ‘How are you feeling?' I said: ‘I think I'm alright.'
“I should have come off but I played on. I can't remember for how long but it was only after I came off with 15 to 20 minutes left that I realised I wasn't allright.
“My balance was all funny. I couldn't walk properly. I couldn't speak. I had a really bad headache. The Leicester doctor said: ‘We need to get him to A&E right away.' I spent all night in hospital.
“They told me after the CT scan that I was fine. Then they gave me an MRI scan and after that they told me: ‘No, you're not fine. You've had a bleed on the brain.'
“The neurosurgeon said it was something they hadn't seen before as a sports injury. He said that if I continued playing rugby and got another blow, I would finish in a wheelchair or it could be even worse.
“There were times last night when I woke up shaking and sweating”
“I thought: ‘God, what am I going to do? What can I do? A half-hour dog walk was too much. It knocked my confidence a huge amount. On really bad days, I'd feel so depressed.
“I do worry about the future. If I'm having my sleep pattern disrupted and all the consequent emotional ups and downs now, what's it going to be like in ten years? What sort of state am I going to be in?
“The last thing I want to be is a burden to anyone else. As you can imagine, there's been a lot to think about. The RPA (players' union) have been tremendous with their support, financial and otherwise. I cannot thank them enough.''
Hurrell belonged to England's elite U20 squad in 2010 among a squadron of wings including Christian Wade, Marland Yarde, Jonathan Joseph and Marcus Watson. A team built around Owen Farrell and George Ford finished the season in the Junior World Cup final, losing to New Zealand.
During eleven years as a professional, Hurrell played for Leicester, London Welsh, Doncaster, Bedford, Bath and Bristol until that fateful New Year match at Welford Road.
A move into coaching at Plymouth Albion having come to grief, Hurrell is back in the game he loves as head coach of Oakham. “I've gone into a self-employed role of coaching and mentoring,'' he says. “I did look at refereeing which would have offered a challenging way back into the Premiership.
“As much as it appealed to me, I decided to concentrate on coaching and leadership. I feel I have a hell of a lot to give back to the game.''
Despite all he has been through since being left with no option but to stop playing, he will not be joining those former internationals taking legal action against World Rugby amid claims of suffering from early onset of dementia.
“Mistakes were made,'' Hurrell says. “But I have no intention of taking any action against World Rugby or the RFU.''
PETER JACKSON
