Dream Team: Geoff Parling – Exeter lock

1. Rob Vickers – He came through the Falcons academy with me and has made over 200 appearances for them since. A grafter and the man you want on any pick and go.
2. Ross Batty – He recently became an internet sensation with that 60m intercept try against Cardiff Blues in the Challenge Cup. Strong beard and looks like a viking.
3. Davey Wilson – Left Ross Batty at the Rec to return North last summer. He has since tried to use a match programme as ID to board a plane and his birthday is on Friday the 13th.
4. Peter Walton – I’ve moved him up from the back row because I had to have him in my team. He ripped off every other teammate by selling them a fake magnet.
5. Andy Buist – The poshest space cadet in Newcastle. He loves to cut the other lads’ grass. Glad to see him back playing for Tynedale after retiring through injury too early.
6. Ed Williamson – He moved to Rotherham after leaving Newcastle and he’s a very good artist. But he’s mostly well known for hitting traffic cones.
7. Ben Woods – We played for Newcastle and Leicester together for many years. He was an unbelievable player as long as he could see the ball.
8. Phil Dowson – He’s a little bit older than me to be in our academy. But he’s a dork and I’ve got to use his vast experience for stability at the back of the scrum.
9. Lee Dickson – He went on to have a pretty good career with Newcastle and even ended up club captain there. But he’s just a ‘pikey’ who became posh.
10. Toby Flood – Another one I played with at Newcastle and Tigers. ‘Jug ears’ had an eye for a gap – if he could get those lady-like legs through them.
11. Tim Visser – The big man has a wicked left foot step. Random Dutchman who ended up playing for Scotland and he’s now doing really well at Harlequins.
12. John Fletcher – The man who has helped develop the bulk of the English talent through the England age grades teams. Stocky coach makes it in at 12 because of his kebab-like legs.
13. Mathew Tait – He has to be the tightest and most boring bloke I have ever met. But he’s an unbelievable player and surely his talent was deserving of more England caps.
14. Gareth Kerr – Indian international with Hollywood good looks and loved wearing his West Hartlepool socks. Turned out for South Leicester recently.
15. Stephen Jones – Not as famous as the Welsh fly-half, but this Stephen Jones had a wicked side step and was Davey Wilson’s tormentor. A classy full-back who came close to playing for Scotland at one point.