On the basis that Junior Kpoku is 6ft 8ins and 120kgs, his opponents must be dreading the day they run into Senior Kpoku.
So much for the bargain-basement joke, cheapened still further by the fact that there is not one Senior but two – Joel and his twin Jonathan, four years older and, like their kid brother, playing lock for professional teams in France, where outsized second rowers roam the leagues in search of salaries big enough to keep them in charcuterie.

The news that Junior, born in London and a stand-out performer at England age-group level, is keen on moving to the Premiership and...