Room 101: Hamish Barton – Old Elthamians flanker

1. Luggage louts
A group of about five or six of us commute on the train straight from the City to training on a Tuesday and Thursday night and we all diligently put our kit bags in the overhead luggage compartment where they are supposed to go. Unfortunately, there is always someone less considerate who comes along and decides to jam their bag between their legs or between you and them on the seat, leaving you squeezed for room.
TRP verdict: These people have clearly gone off the rails at an early age. You're in.
2. Over-cooked pasta
I don't want to sound too ungracious but the post-training food the club put on for us isn't the best. They must start cooking the pasta when we arrive because it's like mush by the time we get to eat it. I smother it in sauce, sprinkle loads of salt and pepper on it and bolt it down … anything so that I don't have to taste it.
TRP verdict: Thanks for giving us a Penne for your thoughts Hamish. But what's wrong with pie and peas?
3. Hair loss
I'm 29 and going grey and thin on top. It looks even worse when I'm playing and get sweaty. There are team-mates older than me who've still got a full head of hair and not a spec of grey in sight so, as you can imagine, I am an easy target for abuse. At least they haven't managed to come up with an original nickname for me yet.
TRP verdict: Oh, it's a wicked web you weave when you set out to recede. You can step baldly into Room 101.