First a warning. I have deliberately written this column a couple of days ahead of the third Test series-decider in Cape Town because I didn't want to be swayed or mollified by a one-off game. That frankly would have been cheating.
The tour as a whole and the Lions concept generally is the subject de jour, or should that be the last 120 minutes given the current “Timeless Test” feel to these stop-start TMO infected games.
I speak as a Lions diehard who pleaded with you a few weeks ago not to lose faith and insisted that the Tests would be full of derring-do and sprinkled with stardust despite a miserably low-key buildup against meaningless opposition in front of empty stands. I'm not sure incidentally how many would have turned up even if Covid wasn't a thing. Some of the gates in 2009 were poor away from the Tests even with the travelling Lions fans.
Alas I was wrong. The antics of Rassie Erasmus have been a crashing bore and an insult to our intelligence. Quite why World Rugby were so indulgent for so long I have no idea, but it seems you have to tread carefully when dealing with them lest you get accused of lacking respect and casual racism.
The series had been spiteful and mean spirited, the rugby, distinctly average. It hasn't even been properly gladiatorial, just lots of talk, cheap shots, low blows and shadow boxing. There should have been a rash of red cards but the officials – feeling under the spotlight like never before – have bottled it.
Despite the effort and sacrifices made to ensure the tour went ahead it has been something of a non event at a time when both an uplifting end of the Premiership season and brilliant Olympic Sevens action from both Men and Women, has lifted the soul a little after a dark 15 months. But no, the whole thing has been strangely underwhelming.
That criticism, of course, comes with caveats and plausible excuses and the main one for me is psychological.
Both squads adopted unattractive bunker mentalities but we shouldn't be surprised, they have been living in the sporting equivalent of a bunker for nearly two months since the Lions first gathered in Jersey, the Boks in their holding camp at home.
Ok, I have no doubt that they have both enjoyed five -star amenities and from their Twitter offering the Lions hotel in Cape Town looks spectacular they have been existing without any normal social interaction.
No ‘days off ' away from it all, no quiet coffees or meals with friends and family, no nights on the town after a match mixing with fans and picking up the special vibe of a Lions tour. No natural enjoyment.
There have been lots of brave words and smiles, facetime back home, and jokey appearances in front of the Sky cameras but that will have been a miserable experience. Pretty grim. A tour like no other and there is no way that such a prolonged Covid bubble could have done anything other than accentuate the bunker mentality that accumulates anyway in a Lions series with both teams suffering equally.
Consider also how difficult it must be to play such huge games in front of zero crowds. The motivation had to come from within and that led to great highs and lows. On occasions there seemed no real intensity and focus, on other occasions too much and players seemed a little out of control.
It must also be incredibly difficult to referee such games, they are played in a vacuum. Normally when a player is taken out in the air or there is foul play or a try seems in doubt for whatever reason, 60,000 pretty knowledgeable voices will react in unison and give you a pretty big clue as to whether it needs checking and how serious the crowd think an incident might be. Of course they will be biased but the collective energy and disquiet of a crowd communicates itself to the officials. It puts them on red alert.
But this tour has had a training ground ambience and you instinctively let stuff go on the training ground because, well, nobody is watching.
Fatigue has been another issue. Most of the rugby seems to have been played in slow motion but do we have a right to expect any different? Since northern hemisphere rugby came out of lockdown a year ago we have squeezed in a season and half. You can't go on abusing bodies like that indefinitely.
By far the most depressing thing, though, has been the feeling that South Africa don't really want the Lions there any more. Not since 1980 have they bothered to put out any decent opposition away from the Tests and include Bok squad members. The abuse and silliness is unabated this week alone with the two ridiculous allegations of biting against Lions.
Why bother? The Lions should vote with their feet. In 2033 why not head off to South America. Couple of games in Montevideo – let's say Uruguay and an America Select XV taking in players from North and South America – and then a quick ferry across the Plate Estuary to one of the most gorgeous and rugby-mad countries on earth.
Three or four warm-up matches in let's say Tucuman, Rosario, Cordoba and Salta against Regional sides or a Pampas XV or Argentina A. The Argentinians fans would not be indifferent let me assure you. It would be a riot of colour and fun.
And then settle in for a three-match series against Argentina in Buenos Aires which would be many people's idea of rugby heaven on earth.
I'm in, how about you?
