1. Shane Buckley – A proper workhorse of a bloke. Back row by trade but got mistaken for a loosehead for the first three months of pre-season and could do the job.
2. Alun Walker – Don't let his shape, chat or negative demeanour discourage you. Best arrows around and a box of tricks around the paddock – not just your typical hooker.
3. Mark Tampin – Best inside clear you've ever seen. What he lacks in athleticism, skillset, pace or coordination, he makes up with his ability to push really well at scrum time.
4. Rayn Smid – Clings to the idea he's a better back row, but he's a quality operator in the boiler house. Refuses to wear studs in the hope he will get overlooked for a spot on the row.
5. Kieran Murphy – Another back row convert. Hardest working bloke I've ever met but at 35 and getting a bit long in the tooth, a switch into the row will add years to his career.
6. Ben West – My housemate here at Ealing Trailfinders. Smartest man in the room and a quality ball player on the paddock. In no way was I influenced what to say about him.
7. Jordy Reid – Now deservedly playing for Gloucester. Toughest man on the pitch, nicest bloke off it, ‘Rez' is a class act all the way but should never wear beige chinos to a social.
8. Mark Bright – Oldest man in the Championship. Maybe oldest man to play professionally – 43 and he can step you in a phone box. Most impressive is his ability to lead the charge on a social.
9. Luke Carter – Uncompromising and extremely loud. Covers every blade of grass in a game, amazing work rate and distribution.
10. Tommy Gollop – Former Cleve RFC, now a Dings Crusader. Looks like a front row, acts like a front row but has sumptuous skills. Should have played at a far higher level.
11. Jonah Holmes – A serious addition to this team because he'd win you games single-handedly. But hands down the strangest man I've met during my career.
12. Jack Tovey – Unlucky with injury but ‘Tuvs' is the cornerstone of a defence. Can run through brick walls for you and should probably really be a back row.
13. Jack Hayes – Never took a backward step and a typical Gloucester man. Tore up trees for Rotherham when they were in the Championship so he'd make a great centre pairing with Tuvs.
14. James Cordy Redden – Great under the high ball. He can really get up there for a contest in the air and a real solid performer for Trailfinders over the last few seasons.
15. Peter Lydon – Class act and has got the biggest left boot I've ever seen. It will get you out of trouble when your backs against the wall. Guinness connoisseur, but had some of the worst chat in the Championship.
