Room 101: Mat Evans – Ealing captain

Mat Evans1. Early autobiographies

Nothing engrosses me more than reading an insightful autobiography written by a credible individual who has a life story to tell. However, it baffles me to see autobiographies published by ‘celebrities’ who believe they have done enough to justify releasing a book. I had to Google Chloe Sims (apologies for my ignorance) to find out what this woman had done to merit sitting alongside ‘Bruce’ by Bruce Springsteen and ‘Life on Air’ by Sir David Attenborough on a bookshelf. Theo Walcott published his first autobiography at the age of 22. Walcott is undoubtedly a talented footballer who will achieve sporting success but releasing an autobiography when he still has a decade of football in him?  Sims may yet become a 4-time Academy award winner and Walcott could score a stunning hat-trick to beat Spain 3-2 in a World Cup final but both have a level of non-achievement and youth that simply does not warrant writing an autobiographical account of their growing lives.

TRP verdict:  We agree with you chapter and verse, you’re in.

2. Pretentious food

We’ve all been there. Go to a fancy restaurant where a starter and a bottle of wine equate to a week’s rent and you leave still staving hungry and searching for the nearest Subway to fill the sizeable gap. I’m not one for decorative design on a square plate where a mousseline of Madagascar crayfish infused with wild purple berry is presented like an art-piece, leaving me to privately ponder, ‘where is my main meal and which of these four utensils do I use?’  Don’t get me wrong, I love my food and I am willing to fork out for an excellent meal that satisfies my relatively simple taste buds and large hunger. But pretentious or posh food establishments should come with a post-meal hunger warning for men with big appetites. My idea of food heaven? Medium-cooked steak, boiled vegetables and fries…job done.

TRP verdict:  Jus for you, you’re in again.

3. Winter Rugby

I believe a switch to summer rugby would be hugely beneficial. The skill levels and speed of ruck ball would promote an entertaining free-flowing brand of rugby that would aide grassroots development and increase gate receipts. The summer holidays would also be a worthwhile period, with the allure of watching games on warm, sunny afternoons rather than braving sideways sleet and sub-zero temperatures.The importance of the set-piece will still prevail, as exemplified by the South African Super 15 franchise, the Blue Bulls, who are known for driving and scrumming forward packs off the moisture-starved Loftus Versfeld.

TRP verdict:  No way. Our climate is so haphazard that December could be the new July in a few years and then where would we be? You’re out.

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