Room 101: Fergus Mulchrone – London Irish centre

1. Leniency in schools
Kids get away with far too much in schools nowadays, in my opinion a clip around the ear would do some of them the world of good. Geoff Wappett, my old coach at Macclesfield, taught one of my father's friends at Bradford Grammar School and he apparently used to put the fear of God into his pupils.
TRP verdict: We'll slipper this one in for you.
2. Gravy-less chips
I know I'm playing up to the northern stereotype but chips and gravy eaten together are a must in my book. I remember spending ages trying to find a chippy that served gravy the first weekend I moved down to London. Eventually, after several failed attempts, I found one in Richmond – paradise! While we're on it, pies down south are definitely not of the same quality as up north. I think the ones cooked by the kitchen staff at Rotherham have to be up there with the best.
TRP verdict: By heck lad, the chips really are down aren't they? Southerners prefer something more sophisticated like curry sauce. You're out.
3. London prices
I'm loving life at London Irish but I could do without the top-end prices you have to fork out for everything from food and drink to public transport. Getting in and out of London from the suburbs costs the best part of tenner – even if you get an Oyster card. Needless to say my rent has gone through the roof, too, having swapped Rotherham for south-west London!
TRP verdict: It's not called Rich-mond for nothing!